Alien: Covenant (2017)

Alien: Covenant (2017) Trailer

Starring:  Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, Billy Crudup

Director:  Ridley Scott

Runtime:  2 Hr 2 Min

Genre(s):  Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Review by:  John Dixon

Spoiler Free Review: (read if you have NOT seen this movie)

Following the outcomes of the movie “Prometheus” Alien: Covenant takes place about 10 years afterward. A colonizing crew with 2,000+ bodies are on their way to colonize a new world still 7 years away. Everyone is trained on what to do, everything is planned on how to do it. When they get a strange transmission from a habitable planet only a few weeks away they decide to consider this their new home. A decent entry into the Alien franchise, definitely ranked towards the top of this franchise. This movie will explore the origin of the “Aliens” we all know.

Spoiler Filled Review: (read only if you HAVE seen it and don’t care about spoilers)

Seeing aliens walk upright always creep me out. Watching a white one walk upright and just stand there? Best scene in the movie. For me, anyway I thought it added a layer to these creatures knowing that they don’t just run around and tear up humans. I liked to see the aliens evolve in a way to see how they reproduce. To us, its the old fashioned way but this movie introduces the actual old fashioned way. By spore, initially evolving to a more efficient “implant eggs in your mouth” method. Which is what we are used to seeing in an Alien movie. Glad to see Ridley Scott back and in the Alien Directors chair. Following up his Prometheus “comeback” to the Alien franchise he keeps it rolling.

The casting is a confusing one for me. I’m ok with their main cast. Although the biggest parts went to Fassbender (2 roles) an unknown, and an unproven in this genre. The unknown being Katherine Waterston (Daniels) and the unproven being Danny McBride (Tennessee) more famous for his roles in anything with James Franco and his “Eastbound & Down” TV comedy series. It was the small roles by bigger named actors. Like Guy Pearce? I get the fact that his character was in Prometheus (much younger) via flashback. How about James Franco? He was in a 10 second video to his “wife” then gets burned up in his stasis pod. Was that even him in there? That was weird. Maybe McBride had him drop him off at work one day and he decided to hang out and act a bit. I’m throwing Billy Crudup’s role in there for a bit role, because honestly his role was shorter than a 2 year olds attention span during an episode of Matlock.

The plot was simple and straight to the point. Colonists that get detained by John Denver and a “rip your face off and then rip your buddies face off” killer species. The simple story-line is not what bothered me the most about the writing. It was the idiotic characters. Apparently in the future we emulate the movie Idiocracy because these people are pretty clumsy and dumb. 1. Why would anyone visit a new planet without wearing face-masks? Did they not learn anything from War of the Worlds? I understand a Quarantine situation. I don’t think these people quite got it. T’s wife lose’s it and goes back to the “quarantined” room to shoot the Alien? But first there’s blood to slip on. Same idiot then loses containment and then has a chance to shoot and slips on some more blood! Seriously, then she decides to shoot explosive containers. Idiot! I guess Tennessee did marry her for her looks. How about lowering the entire ship below “Safety precautions” and then after things calm down, they take another smaller ship to the planets surface. Why didn’t they just do that to start with without using so much time. How about the new captain shooting the alien over David’s shoulder? That was actually a smart move. What was stupid was the fact that he saw David wanting to trust these Aliens, and then he goes all Captain Dumb-ass and bites when the Android David asks him to look into the Alien egg. Idiot! And finally after being attacked by the last crazy android (David) they just assume that the android that is with them is Walter. Don’t they have some sort of Serial Number? I know when the future comes along and my Fassbender Android steps out of his box, I’m checking for a serial number.

I’m all for Ridley Scott being the director here. But honestly I think he did the best for the way it was written. Jack Paglan should have been spot on. Even Michael Green wrote “Logan”. But he does have the credit of writing Green Lantern. So… there’s that. I’m clueless at who to point the finger at. Maybe it was just better from their point of view because Ridley’s believe it or not story was believe it or not not so wonderful. Cohesive story? Well I really dug all of the interactions of the characters and story prior to John Denver. I was invested. Even with the side step to another planet, I was on board. When we met the Android David and he started just spouting off random crap. I lost interest. Seriously the “recorder/flute” scene had me like WTF is this?! Then we went into the events that followed the last movie and from there it was just a spectacle of seeing how Aliens were made. The special effects were grandiose and I appreciated that. But, Ridley was average on this day.

I didn’t think about it. I just watched it. The ending was predictable. C’mon we all knew that it was really David. The movie was sort of easy to watch, I mean, It didn’t piss me off for any real reason… except for the idiots. They upset me. Greatly. Seriously, didn’t they know it is the #1 rule to NOT have shower sex in a horror genre styled movie? That’s like auto-death right there. Nah, kidding. I liked the simplicity and more than anything it was neat to find out how the Aliens were birthed. The next one should tell us how they got to the planet Ripley found them on in the original movie right?

3.0

STARS

Comic Book Connection Michael Fassbender: X-Men Franchise – Billy Crudup: Watchmen, James Franco: Spider-Man 1,2,3 – Guy Pearce: Iron Man 3
Nudity Bonus Amy Seimetz (Faris) during the Shower scene.  Very small but it still counts!  (the scene not the other… c’mon!)
Favorite Moment Any scene with the Black Long Head Alien in it really.  The standing Alien was cool but I’m a sucker for the OG.
Most Hated Moment Tennessee’s Wife with a shotgun.  That’s all I have to say.  I’m getting heated up just thinking about it.
THIS Movie reminded me of THAT Movie This movie reminded of the original, maybe it was Daniels haircut but something took me back to the original.
What did my wife think of this movie? I really liked it.  It was a well told origin story that tied well into the Alien franchise.
Box Office Budget 97 Million
How much it made Domestically $74,213,560.00
Was it a Box office Success? Or Failure? Failure
Did you notice? 1.  The Xenomorph “Alien” was last seen 10 years ago in the Aliens vs. Predator movie.  Before that was 10 years as well.
2.  When Daniels fought the Alien she said the same thing Ripley said in the original.   “I got you, you son of a bitch.”
3.  Even though it only made 74 million domestically it did pull in 232 Million Worldwide.  I guess the world loves Aliens.
Rotten Tomatoes Score
Critics 71%
Audience 59%
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The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Trailer: The Incredible Hulk Trailer

Starring:  Edward Norton, Liv Tyler, Tim Roth  – Directed By:  Louis Leterrier

Running Time: 1hr & 52 mins – Genre: Action, Sci-Fi, Thriller

 

Big JD (Host)

Movie Selection Relevance

This will be a new section of our reviews where we will tell you why we selected the movie we decided to review.  It may have a social relevance or just plain personal relevance.  I feel that you (the reader) should be aware of why we pick what we pick.  I selected this movie because yes, I’m trying to get all of the Phase 1 Marvel Studio movies reviewed.  Why this one more than the others we haven’t reviewed?  We have reviewed Iron Man 1 & 2.  In the middle was this movie.  It came out the same summer as Iron Man.  That, and I feel that the Hulk has been somewhat overshadowed because his movie failed to hit the mark with audiences like the others did.  And the possibilities this movie had in terms of sequel value is interesting to think about.

Synopsis:

After a failed Gamma Project experiment Bruce Banner has a slight side effect of turning Large Hulking Green beast at the first feeling of anger.  General Ross would like to use that gift to help him win wars and to satisfy a personal vendetta that he has against Banner.  Bruce goes on the lamb leaving his love behind (Betty Ross) all while trying to find a cure.  Although General Ross will stop at nothing to capture this new “weapon” even if it means making a Hulk abomination of his own.

Review:

First of all I would like to clear up one thing.  This movie has NO relation to the 2003 Hulk movie that came out in 2003 directed by Ang Lee.  None whatsoever.  This is a brand new take on The Hulk with brand new actors and it falls within the Marvel Cinematic Universe.  With that said I will go out on a limb here and say that this was far superior to that aforementioned movie that donned the screens in 2003.  Superior does not always mean a fantastic movie though.  They did a lot right in this movie but being Marvel Studio’s only second outing I’m sure they learned from their mistakes.  (Yeah, the Hulk is a hard property to make into a movie.)

This movie was heavily influenced by the TV series that aired back in 1978.  There were many scenes that they gave nods to.  Try to find them… I’ll give you the first one.  The opening credits.  Also, we don’t have to sit through an origin story this time around.  The origin takes place in the opening credits which I feel is a breath of fresh air.  The audiences have seen how the Hulk came to be, we didn’t need to see it again and I think Louis Leterrier realized that.

As for the cast and their acting efforts?  I think they all did well.  Edward Norton plays a fine Bruce Banner.  Although I only saw glimpses of Banner in him throughout the movie.  Maybe because, I’ve seen Fight Club a billion times but it was hard to suspend my disbelief on this one.  It’s nothing Norton could fix it’s just me.  Liv Tyler plays a better and more emotional Betty Ross then we’ve seen in prior efforts.  I liked William Hurt as General Ross & Tim Blake Nelson as a very believable Dr. Samuel Sterns.  There were 2 characters I did not like however.  First Ty Burrell as Dr. Leonard Samson I found to be a horrible casting choice.  Not because of his acting because he did the “serious” role well.  It’s just that he looks nothing like a “un-gamma’d” Doc Samson at all.  No spinoff here!  The second was Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky aka The Abomination.  Emil Blonsky is Russian.  Where is the accent?  That was actually my only beef with Roth.  If your cast as a Russian character speak in a Russian accent.  If you don’t know how then maybe you should ask Scarlett Johansson.  Ok, that would be bad.  Go call & meet up with Johansson and both of you go to lingual coaches.  Learn the Russian Accent!!!

The soundtrack is a lackluster uneventful grace on my ears.  It works fine within the movie where you don’t really realize that you are listening to a score.  In that sense it works good.  It helps with tempo and pace all that good stuff.  Memorable?  Not so much.  I’ve seen this movie many, many times and I still cannot hum you the Theme to this movie.  That is important in my book when it comes to Super Hero Comic Book films.

The CGI is far better than any Hulk we have seen up to 2008.  He wasn’t as large but it worked well.  He was still big enough.  My only problem is that many times the Hulk looks like one of those Zombie bad guys from” I Am Legend”.  Maybe because the man that created those creatures in “I Am Legend” also created the Hulk.  Bad choice in my opinion.  Worst moment probably was in Sterns Lab.  It just looked horrible.  It was an Abomination.  Speaking of the whole Brown/Bald Abomination design choice.  I understand The Abomination could not have the “fins”.  Yes that would be a bit too much.  But why couldn’t he have stayed a shade of Green?  Why wasn’t he scaley?  I do not like the bones popping out idea.  His whole head was just way too smooth and humanlike to make me think “scary”.  Nor did it make me feel like I was seeing Abomination on screen.

When Hulk “Breaks” Harlem?  Great cinematic experience.  That final fight is really well done.  You feel the anger and just total loss of control that the Hulk has and the exact moment he realizes that he is “out of control”.  Again, the CGI kinda distracts me a bit but I get over it knowing that we will get a great looking Hulk in the Avengers movie.  This movie definitely falls into last place of the Phase 1 movies.  Sorry Hulk.  Better luck next time.

Comic book Connection: William Hurt – A History of Violence

Nudity Bonus:  Hulk Boobs.

I Am Legend

Incredible Hulk

 

3.50‘s

Ran-Dizzle

 This to me is the best re-make of any Hulk Movie, that has ever been done since Bill Bixby was the Hulk. Over all the casting on this was excellent. Edward Norton does a wonderful job catching the Bruce Banner we all know and love.  Liv Tyler didn’t do so bad but I wondered if they could have found a better Betty Ross? I am not too familiar with Abomination but seeing Tim Roth playing him was kind of cool and listening to him take that needle in the back good lord that made me twinge bad. I think that General Ross would have been played better by Jeff Bridges (instead of him playing Obadiah Stane) but after seeing William Hurt playing the General I think he did an awesome Job as well.

As for the plot, I liked it. It kept to the story fairly well that I know, I thought it followed what I know very well, I liked how they brought in Abomination and explained a little bit about his story, I also loved the hostility captured between General Ross(William Hurt) and Banner (Norton)

The Marvel Studios never ceases to surprise me when it comes to the CGI and Special Effects in the movies. I mean truly these were done well. The Hulk was done well didn’t seem childlike like they made him in the previous movie with Eric Bana.

Overall the best standalone Hulk Movie, I was very sad when Edward Norton didn’t sign on for The Avenger’s but Mark Ruffalo did a great job taking over. This is a must see if you are a Hulk or overall Marvel Fan this is a great Film.

5.0‘s

 

Kimmay!

I had never watched “The Incredible Hulk” before tonight. I’d watched some of the other Marvel movies and I think this one fits in rather well. I must say I don’t know much about the Marvel comics, other than what I have watched in the movies. So if I say something ignorant, please forgive me.

 I really enjoyed the story line between Bruce and Betty. You have the drama of Bruce almost killing Betty when he first changes into the Hulk to her dad being the General who wants to capture Bruce and experiment on him. Liv Tyler did a fantastic job as did Edward Norton in conveying the emotions that two star crossed lovers must of felt. 

Also, I was impressed with all of the CGI and special effects used in this film. When the Hulk and the Abomination were fighting the fire and explosions were spectacular. Plus all of the flying cars.

I can’t say much about the score because nothing really stood out to me. So it was probably bleh at best.

All in all this was a decent movie. I can’t say I would watch it over and over again but I would watch it again if someone asked me to.

So i would give this movie…

3‘s

 

Collateral (2004)

top-tom-cruise-movie-Collateral

Starring: Jaime Foxx, Tom Cruise  – Directed By: Michael Mann

 

Ran-dizzle-(Host)

So this movie had a great original story, Wrong place Wrong time situation with a Contract killer that uses a taxi service so that’s good but here are the flaws with that, First of all the Taxi driver shows to be timid early on in the movie, and then develops later on that he can pass as a contract killer, highly unlikely to me. I mean I understand you have to adapt to survive but really? Also killing a guy over a Miles Davis question… need I go on?  And what about introducing a killer to you mom in the hospital?! WTF?!

The acting is done well, Tom Cruise plays a bad ass killer but honestly the grey/white hair bothered me, Not like Lou Diamond Phillps did in that one movie we watched earlier last year (Stark Raving Mad) but still noticeable, and then the build up to the end, and you fumble the extra magazine clip and call it done….bull **** go out with glory like a real killer drop down grab the mag make the shot finish the job and die honorably.

Jaime Foxx did a remarkable job, but his Spanish kind of bothered me when he was talking to the gas station attendant earlier in the film, it wasn’t bad just felt awkward, He played a good taxi driver put in a situation but when he develops a bad ass persona towards the end it’s hard to believe, but he’s the hero so we have to. 15

Jada Pickett Smith did well, she I think was probably the best actress/actor in the movie, she did the fear thing very well, and played a good lawyer and damsel in distress.

Mark Ruffalo…takes second place to me in worst fake Hispanic actors playing Hispanic parts…(For the record Steven Segal takes #1 in Machete) I mean I know he’s a cop undercover but seriously I had a better time believing Jaime Foxx’s Spanish vs his. Also there was a little spot for Javier Bardem to join in as Felix (The main bad guy) so he snuck in on me I didn’t realize it was him your welcome for that easter egg.

Rest of the movie was ok for it’s time, sound track wasn’t outstanding or anything but was decent.  Overall the movie is good, but it has it’s flaws but it’s something I would suggest to atleast watch once.

3.0‘s

BIG JD-

Bad guy Hijacks Taxi Cab with driver and makes him do his bidding!  Basically this is the entire movie.  You are suppose to really feel for this Max (Jamie Foxx) character hence the whole buildup of drab taxi driver stuff & then getting Jada Pinkett Smith’s Digits which will in turn make you root for the character to be able to get that “first date” with her.  Giving the audience a future to look forward to for the main character.  This subtley makes you hope that he doesn’t die.  In a nutshell.  Oh, and anytime you introduce the Mom to the story?  Oh yeah.  Pulls you right in.  Kinda makes you want for him to play hero doesn’t it?

Jamie Foxx played Max which in my opinion was quite a drop in character when in the same year he played Ray Charles in “Ray”.  There wasn’t much of a showcase on display in terms of acting ability.  I mean, he didn’t do horrible but c’mon!  A Cabbie!  Yeah, not much room to grow I’m afraid.  I think he did the best of what was able to be done with that character.  Even though his character was a complete idiot at times and then brilliant at other times.

500fullIt was interesting to see Tom Cruise play a “bad guy”.  A bad guy with a very warped sense of right and wrong.  He definitely doesn’t have enough roles as the baddie and I think with some advice from Alan Rickman he would be fantastic.  Just as long as he doesn’t have the haircut he had here.  I swear it was so distracting!  Oh, and isn’t that the same suit Tom Cruise wore in Rain Man?  I think soooo. 0013

Mark Ruffalo was decent as the undercover investigator.  Actually I was glad to see him in this film.  I didn’t recognize him the first time I watched this in 2004.  Although if he was “undercover” then why is he walking/talking around with the other cops at a crime scene with his badge shining brightly for anyone to see.  This is his area that he is undercover.  He should stay undercover careful not to blow his cover.

The main problem I have with this movie is just the sheer simplistic nature of this movie.  Or maybe you could just say that its boring.  And you may ask yourself why do these 2 characters stay civil with each other?  Well, Vincent needs max so that’s a given.  Max confuses me a bit.  With all that he was made to do he would still have nice little conversations with the enemy.  I don’t know about you but that doesn’t seem plausible.  I can see the fact that Max is wanting “change” in his life so maybe that is the directions he is heading.  Maybe deeply he is intrigued by Vincent.  Maybe Vincent is someone that he wants to be like.  Minus the killer stuff I’m guessing.  His “transformation of character” was very good during the Felix conversation.  Very Superman/Clark Kent stuff.

So, when it comes down to it, the movie is a decent watch.  Do you need to see it right now?  No.  But if you are fans of either Tom Cruise or Jamie Foxx then I would probably say watch it within the month.  No hurry.  Not to ruin it for you but the ending will leave you like “ok? … and?”  It also makes you wonder who the main character really is.  Throughout the movie you think it may be Max but, I tend to think that it is Vincent.

03

p.s. Michael Mann, If you would have thrown in a boob or 2 I would have rated you a half star more.  🙂

Comic Book Movie Plus:  Jamie Foxx:  The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – Mark Ruffalo: The Avengers

Nudity Bonus:  n/a

3.0‘s

 

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

LSTSB

Starring: Jason Flemyng, Jason Statham, Vinnie Jones

Director: Guy Ritchie – Genre: Crime, Thriller

Synopsis: Four guys trying to make a living in the UK all chip in for their card playing friend to go into a high stakes game of cards, Unfortunately the odds are stacked against him and ends up having to owe money to one of the biggest Gangsters in the UK (Hatchet Harry the Porn King) When Eddy Loses him and his buddies have to try and figure a way to get 500,000 pounds to Hatchet Harry by the end of next week.

Ran-Dizzle-

This is one of my favorite Guy Ritchie Films, In fact this was his first film, and did ever so well on such a small budget. What I love about most of Guy Ritchie movies is his ability to intertwine stories. To me that keeps me engaged, I say this because like in this movie, you see what the others are doing while that scene is going on so you see all the sides…someone once told me it’s like Gypsy Story Telling so I’ve kept that in mind when I see this style of movie.

The writing for this was done rather well, This shows how versatile Guy Ritchie is at the beginning, Writer, Director. Which leads me into his style of Directing, as this was his first Full length movie made he did kind of have a special feel to the movie, random angles, even certain scenes had a 70’s film styling to it, which to me is very similar to Quentin Tarantino’s style, however Tarantino is very much more talented on his special effects and writing. I also believe this won a award for Best New Film Maker 1999 for MTV Movie Awards. LSTSB7

As for the Acting, I think the only one who really stood out to me was Vinnie Jones, I mean he only had a few lines but he kept his cool, and played the hard *** who can be your friend too, unless you threaten him and then he’ll kick your *** with a car door. The rest didn’t do horrible per say but really nothing stood out. It was interesting to see Sting in the movie as JD but I guess when your friends with the director you can get into movies like that.

(Kevin Smith is notorious for having his friends in his movies as well but I mean who knows you better or know what your expecting then your friends right?)

LSTSB4

Special effects for the budget was ok, Sound track was ok nothing

really extraordinary other then James Brown was in it, but to me that didn’t really fit but I could be wrong on that.

Overall not the best of his movies, but one of my personal favorites.

3.5‘s

Big JD-

Probably one of the first movies of this type.  It feels a lot like a british version of Ocean’s Eleven or Smoking Aces or mostly like Boondock Saints 1 or 2.  It feels this way mainly because the first half of the movie is introducing characters and setting up the story.  The second half is all about taking those characters and interweaving them into each other’s lives.  So, in  a way you know that each one of the characters introduced will play some sort of part to help the main characters in the end.LSTSB1

Ok, I still don’t get what Lock, Stock means.  I can understand the 2 smoking barrels but they even referenced so an so was Lock, Stock but that still didn’t help me.  British Slang.  I just don’t get it.  Bugga!  As for the Casting/Acting in this film.  It feels like just any schmo could have been cast in any of the roles.  Vinnie Jones did well but he didn’t necessarily define his part.  He was the only individual that I thought did a fair job in the acting department.  The main character Eddy (Nick Moran) did ok but nothing that stood out.  Everyone else came in, read their lines and finished the day.  Normally I would stick in a couple jabs about Jason Statham.  Honestly I can’t.  His part was so minimal that he didn’t annoy me.  Good for him. LSTSB2 I think the worst was the thug Plank (Steve Sweeney).  I swear there was a couple times where he said his line directly after another actor and held his head down and continued with the scene until it was his turn to “speak” again.  I felt I was watching a high school production at times.  Speaking of low production… the film feels very very low in production.  Like Youtube low at times.  I can understand that this is very critical to the feel of this film so, I can let that slide.  Plus, it feels like Guy Ritchie is experimenting a lot in this movie due to the multiple camera angles and unorthodox scene setups.  You can definitely tell this was his first feature length film.  As time passes those crazy shots will go by the wayside as he focuses more on capturing the characters IN the scene and lets them be the focal point instead of the scene that will distract take away from the actors.  But as a first film Guy did fine.

It was a well written movie with good editing.  I’ve said this before in these types of movies but, if you can make everything interweave into each other such as this then you’ve done a good job.  It would be a pain to write.  The soundtrack was probably the leading character in this film.  Any movie you got 2 James Brown songs in you can’t lose.  Even if you do a generic Crime film that everyone and their dog has done.

As for the end, I won’t give it away but I will say that I didn’t feel satisfied.  A side character (Vinnie Jones) gets the “golden star” of the movie opposed to the leading actor or supporting.  Which is a twist that I could have done without.  I’ll let you know now, I’m not a fan of all British cast movies.  But for this one to get 2 stars is quite good.  I thought for sure I was going to give it a half star rating.

LSTSB3

Comic Book Movie Plus:  Vinnie Jones: X-Men: The Last Stand

Nudity Bonus:  Random Stripper (non-credited):  Out of focus T (16:40) In Focus T (17:40)

2.0‘s

The Bay (2012)

Trailer: The Bay (2012)

Starring: Kristen Connolly, Kether Donohue, Frank Deal  – Directed By: Barry Levinson

Running Time: 1 hrs & 24 mins – Genre: Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller

 

Big JD (Host)

A small town in Chesapeake Bay seems like any normal American town but, the chicken factory has added a bit of crap to the water supply.  Mixed with Steroids and many other factors an organism is mutated and decides to feed on the inhabitants of The Bay town.

 

Review:

No, no this is not a review over a movie documenting the life & times of Michael Bay.  But if it were let me first add I would have changed his first name to Simon.  Just because I can.  And I would have had Morgan Freeman play the part of Michael Bay.  Just because I feel its something he would want.  Ok, off topic a bit.  I didn’t come here to trash on Michael Bay.  It just seemed fitting.

The Actual Review:

This “found footage” movie seems to have all of its footage in place to make a decent movie.  But what it lacks is a fulfilling story.  There could be many factors that will add to your story and give it depth and feeling.  We will find what it is I tell you!  And I will not call the CDC because they are of no help.

The Acting was decent.  A bit overacted at times by the young reporter played by Kether Donohue but she does fine.  The top billing actress didn’t even seem to have much of a role.  Kristen Connolly played Stephanie.  (The woman with the baby)  I will say that everyone did ok with acting.  Maybe this was a design led by Barry Levinson.  If you do not give actors a ton of screen time then you can’t have any bad acting cluttering your film.  Maybe?  Well, the footage was all put together very well.  Filmed as such too.  It was very believable.  You didn’t find yourself saying “Oh c’mon you wouldn’t have a camera there!  You wouldn’t still be filming!!”  well, maybe a couple times but nothing too crazy.  On the part of the footage there was one thing that I did not like.  It was the 2 news anchors and how their broadcast was like all “bubbly” or “walleyed” looking.  It was very distracting and extremely different than anything else in the movie.  In all I think Barry did a fine job.  And no I did not plan on reviewing back to back Barry Levinson films.  I was actually shocked when I saw his name because this movie is such a departure from Rain Man.  It didn’t hold up to his reputation.  Although he did take 2nd place at the Toronto International Film Festival in the “Midnight Madness” category.  Yeah, I don’t know what that is either.  Let’s move on.

It was written with good dialogue and the story flowed well.  The scenario of what would happen if this really happened was really focused hard on.  But does that make this an original plot or even a good plot?  I have to say no.  In fact I felt a very mild resemblance to the movie Piranha and Piranha 3D.  Not as cheesy but very similar in story.

The special effects were very limited but believable.  Except when they found the dead body by the fountain.  I thought that looked very fake.  I mentioned limited effects?  Yes, I did.  There were actually tons but Barry had them woven in very subtlety.  He made them work for him instead of the Special Effects working the movie.  The score could have worked for the movie but I think needed some time off.  It was very not noticeable either.  As far as this movie sticking to the Horror, Sci-Fi, Thriller genre I don’t think it nailed any of it.  Horror:  It wasn’t scary.  Sci-Fi:  It was all explained scientifically enough to make you think it could really happen.  Thriller:  It was kinda thrilling in parts but not really a thriller kind of movie.  Most movies get the Genre score from me but this one needs to be in a genre of its own.  The Found Footage genre.

The casting was all mediocre.  This is where this movie could have shined bright.  This is freakin’ Barry Levinson!  He couldn’t get 1 actor that is well known or up and coming to push his movie?  This is confusing.  It was kind of like watching a B film movie because of this factor.  C’mon Barry!  If you put 1 actor in there that people can relate to it can change this movie that grossed $30,668 domestically to something that would at least gross $70,000.  Which will probably cover the well known actor’s fee but so what?  Go for it!

My final criticism’s over The Bay end with the ending.  It sucked.  It was an hour and a half long which didn’t feel that long at all. (Which is a good thing)  But it ended way to fast and it tied everything up way too quickly.  I guess it’s a drawback in having a movie based on film footage of an event that when the event is over than so is the movie.  I could have done with more closure.  But with all that said it wasn’t a bad movie.  I felt “meh” the entire time.  It was decent.

 

Comic Book Movie Plus: n/a

Nudity Bonus:  Almost but not quite.

2.50‘s

Ran-Dizzle

For a mad epidemic style movie this was done pretty well.  The writing and acting was done ok, but I have to agree with JD on it not being original….there are aspects of it being original like the Chicken Feces and the Steroids mutating an organism that is out to get everything in the bay. To me since I’ve not seen Piranha or Piranha 3d, it felt more like Cloverfield or Paranormal Activity, What I do like about this genre that is forming (dating all the way back to Blair Witch Project) is that it gives it a sense of reality, when watching these movies it feels more realistic, then the average horror/thriller/zombie movie.

For the budget of the film, the acting, and special effects were decent nothing out landish but for an indie film I think it was done well.

I disagree with JD on the putting in the big star, with these style of films, Cloverfield, Paranormal Activity things like that to me keeping hollywood out is a good call, it keeps it more realistic, the only way I would want to have a huge star in it, is if Hollywood was taken over by zombies…oh wait they are kind of doing that with James Franco…Seth Rogen ect. I think it’s called This is the End.

With all that said, over all my experience with the movie wasn’t horrible, but wasn’t great either. I think it did rather well in the indie cult circle and indie festival, however as far as my expectations I think it was done ok.


3‘s

 

 

Memento (2000)

Trailer: Memento (2000)

Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie-Anne Moss, Joe Pantoliano  – Directed By: Christopher Nolan

Running Time: 1 hr & 53 mins – Genre: Mystery, Thriller

Issy R. (Guest Host)

Review:

Christopher Nolan has a talent for making a film that has a refreshing original story and making a major impact. This implies to Nolan’s second and major film Memento. Memento is one of those pictures that will have you wanting to talk to someone else about what they thought of the movie. This is a highly intelligent and original brain teaser that will have you guessing from beginning to end, and even afterwards. The story is told in a linear perspective but backwards at the same time, which sounds confusing but it is what makes the movie fun and intriguing. Between each scene there are black and white scenes, that if you overlook it you will miss the importance of them. The film is constructed and told in such a way that you are constantly put into the shoes of Leonard Shelby, perfectly played by Guy Pierce. The rest of the cast gives a mysterious and complex performance. This film is well-made all the way around, from the direction, to the editing, and especially the unique story that is rarely found in Hollywood these days. Christopher Nolan is one today’s modern master in cinema and he showcases that in this film.

 

5‘s

Ran-Dizzle

What I love about this movie that love about most of Christopher Nolan’s movie are the psychological thrillers he does where perception is reality, and even though you see it now it might not really be that way. I have to say first of all this is the first time ever I watched this movie it has always been on the list just never quite made it to the top. I am shocked I never watched it sooner because it’s really a good thriller, and those are the ones I love the most. Anyways back to the Movie.

The acting was very performed, and the casting I don’t think I could cast anyone else in these roles, normally I am not a huge Guy Pearce person but he did extremely well in this movie, I guess not only the acting was done rather well but the directing and writing was done pretty very well.

Carrie-Ann Moss was surprising in this role, she’s been a good actress but this role was nice to see her in being a sort of vindictive person,

One of the things I like most with this any of the thrillers, is the reverse it gives you a scene and then rewinds it so you see everything, then fast forward then rewinds back, that to me is a great way to express the suspense of the thriller.

Not really much of a soundtrack or background music for that matter so nothing spectacular there, nor with the special effects.

Over all this was a great movie

5‘s

Big JD

First off I would like to thank Issy R. for being our Guest Host for this week.  He comes to us from http://projectedthoughts.com/ A great “out in theatres” movie review site.  Check out it why don’t ya!  Like always the Host chooses the movie of review.  Issy chose Memento.

I would like to say that Christopher Nolan can’t seem to do no wrong.  I would like to say.  But with as good as this movie is I felt annoyed the entire time I watched it.  This was a First Watcher for me and this is a

movie you need to pay attention to detail with.  If you are not a fan of movies not following the formula for the basic movie (you know Start, Middle, End) then you need to run fast from this movie.  This movie is told from the Ending first slowly making it’s way to the beginning of the story.  Which in fact when you think about it is an entire circle of events.  Each scene is shown to you in 5-7 minute increments.  The ending of each scene is the beginning of the previous scene that you watched.  Then you will see scenes that happened from his previous long term memory.  You really do need patience and maybe a notepad to watch this movie.  I was lucky to have mine already so, I was covered.  By saying that it is frustrating to watch this movie doesn’t really portray how I feel about it.  I’m glad Nolan used this device for this movie.  It makes sense.  The lead character has memory issues and usually has to work backwards to get his information.  No different than the audience as they follow his journey in how his wife was “murdered”.

The acting was good.  I had no complaints whatsoever.  I will say that every time I see Joe Pantoliano I always think Mork & Mindy then directly to The Matrix.  “ignorance is bliss”  Two completely different entities.  But hey! Carrie Anne-Moss was in The Matrix too!  What gives?  Well, for my hat trick of Matrix references for this movie, Lenny writes on Teddy’s picture “He is the One”.  Well, no Neo was “The One” but close enough for me.

The writing was good.  Nothing too strange or out of place except for the moment of “ending” Jimmy.  That took quite a bit of time.  Yet, Leonard was able to do all the things he did plus drag him down to the basement ALL while keeping his memory.  Other times in the movie his memory has a shorter hold.  Like the “I’m gonna use you” argument with Natalie scene for instance.  In all it all fit together like a puzzle.  Which is satisfying for a person like me.  It seems that this movie was made on a small budget so the soundtrack/score is probably one of the things that was “skipped”.  I’m sure it has one but I really can’t say that it did anything for the movie.

The ending was not good for me.  For one, the ending was the beginning.  It took me full circle.  Second, I didn’t like the evil character twist.  I thought it was unnecessary to the character.  Nolan could have easily kept the character a good guy by throwing in more mis-communication to himself.  And finally, I know that I said earlier that I was glad Christopher Nolan chose the backwards format but It would have been a better movie to me if he would have filmed it in order of events leaving audiences intrigued by leaving parts out until the end.  I liked the movie because of the uniqueness it had.  The story was decent with the actors playing their parts well.  I will watch it again.  It’s probably even better the second time around.  Now, if someone could shave Leonard’s head or give him a bottle of hair-dye I would be

Gone in 60 seconds (2000)

Willie Good-Cook(Host)

“Don’t start with me….no. Start. START!”

This movie is a lot like Fast and The Furious for me. Not in plot, more in the fact that after I watch either of these movies I tend to drive my car faster and harder than usual. This movie is actually a remake of the classic Gone in 60 seconds made in 1974. Though the cars, actors, and the plot have changed, the premise remains the same. Steal cars and makes it look cool.

This movie is about retired carjacker Memphis Raines(Nic Cage). After he leaves his criminal life behind his brother follows in his footsteps and starts “boosting” cars. After a botched attempt, Kip (Giovanni Ribisi) is in danger of losing his life. Memphis must return to finish the job Kip started and steal 50 cars in three days. The man putting them up to this is Raymond Calitri.

The cast was fairly star studded and they had some very good names in this movie. I also thought the cast worked very well together to deliver a really good movie. One of my favorite scenes is when he cons the cop into revving up the engine to the car to blow away the drugs using the exhaust pipe. Very funny. Also, when they are stealing the cars was pretty awesome. The naming of all the cars also had me laughing. Using the black lights to hid the list was also very 90’s of this movie (Even though it was made in 2000 you can see 90’s influence all over it.). And who can forget, the stranger? Haha! Classic!

The score was also very good in the movie. Low rider? Yes please!  And I can’t say enough about the cars. They did a great job of assembling some really neat and unique cars for this film. Of course my favorite is the 1967 Shelby GT500 (Eleanor). I have always wanted this car after seeing this movie and if I won the lottery I would probably buy two. Angelina Jolie was also in her sexy period during this. The scene with the manual transmission was always memorable.

The ending of this movie was also pretty enjoyable. Kill the bad guy, vindicate the hero, save the cop trying to discover the truth, and save the kid brother. Their idiot friend does get shot, but we knew that was going to happen right after he stole the car full of drugs.This movie also has some of my favorite chase scenes. “This is Nastar sir, not an Apache.”

-Suggestion-

A good pick for a night at home. Just try not to drive too fast after you watch this movie. Speeding tickets are no fun for anyone.

4‘s

Big JD

Gone in Sixty Seconds is an action movie for car enthusiasts.  If you’ve ever had a love for the 4 wheeled, rubber burnin’, gear shiftin’, poetic yet deadly fast vehicles then this is your movie.  Even better this catches Nicolas Cage in his prime.

To start this whole thing I would like to say the opening of the film is one of my most favored intros.  I just love that song!  They play it many times throughout the entire movie but for me… it’s more than ok.  I can even get over every single photo shown in that opening is horribly photo-shopped.  Nice job on that.

If you make a movie you need to have a strong lead character name.  Memphis Raines is about as good a name as I can imagine.  Strong name.  Definitely stronger than “Kip”.  Hmmm, I wonder if that is supposed to subtly show the older brother dominance over the sibling.  I betcha.   Better yet, Memphis Raines is played by the one and only Nicolas Cage.  Before the horrible barrage of movies mind you.  This was during his reign.   Be it at the end of the dynasty but still definitely not his last good movie.  I mean, he is so cool in this movie he gives this “bad guy” (Raymond Calitri) 10 thousand dollars and ole Ray throws it back in his face.  What does Cool Cage do?  He leaves it laying on the ground… not even worried to pick it up.  See, I would have been on my hands and knees (after Calitri left of course) grabbing all of my money.  I probably would have asked Atlee to get down there and help out.  But that’s just me.  I like money.  Memphis doesn’t do this for the money.  Hence he’s a cool guy.  That is why he pulled out the Ghost Rider jacket to listen to “Lowrider”.  C’mon!  Cool!

I had totally forgotten Master P showed up in this movie playing a secondary “bad guy”.  Not even associated with the main “bad guy”.  Just a car thief that has his own operation in town but yet Raines threatens that business and he’s pissed because of it.  Plausible?  No, not really.  But whatever.  Master P shows his awesome lack of acting ability.  To be expected.  They even gave him a similar name.  Johnnie B.  Wow.   I was just glad I didn’t have to watch many scenes with Percy Miller.  Oh, for those of you that doesn’t know.  The “P” stands for Percy.

It’s a very large cast of some of my favorites.  I won’t list them all.  That’s what IMDB’s for.  But, I will say that I wish Giovanni Ribisi had done more films.  I really liked him.  C’mon Giovanni you had 4 movies in 2012 and I didn’t remember!  Let’s get you a lead.  Giovanni Ribsi playing Agent Silvermane in the ABC Family TV Series S.H.I.E.L.D. coming this fall.  Ok, maybe we’ll have to wait till the second season or even being Green Lit but hey! You can do it!  Give it a shot!  If you think he should here is his twitter address.  @GiovanniRibisi  Keep in mind the account isn’t verified so, this may not actually be him.  🙂

Let’s keep this car moving’!  Look, I know there was 50 cars stolen in one night and there wasn’t many car casualties…  ha!  Yeah there were!  Out of all of those car fender benders I did not see 1 air bag deploy!  Seriously!  Not one.  Check it out if you don’t believe me.  That’s not safe!  Craziness, I tell ya.

The acting on whole was decent.  The writing for the African American characters were bothersome.  I thought Master P was “not” gangsta.  I think he may have been able to wreck shop on a Pottery Barn but other than that.  Nope.  I thought Mirror Man was not smart.  He did “look like a lil ghetto smurf”.  Severely annoyed me with his one liner’s.  Hey Mirror Man, we get it.  Black people don’t like the cold.  We know.  I think Chris Rock already told us that.  You don’t need to reiterate a comedic great.  YOU ARE NOT FUNNY!  …and that made me want to pass on those characters.  And a ding mark goes to writing.  But thankfully this movie doesn’t have to be written well to be entertaining.  Just like shifting gears gives you an immediate boost of speed at the split second you shift.  Right… I’ll continue.

Soundtrack was stellar!  I love that intro!  Everything was good.  Ok, now is where I comment on the plot not being original because it is a remake.  True, I’ve never seen the original 1974 version but as far as I could tell, the only similarities are 1.  They are car thieves & 2. The unicorn is still “Eleanor”.  Oh, and 3.  They are chased by Detectives.  But that’s all.  Nice job with originality!  Keepin that remake fresh.  Now, tell me you got that reference to “The Stranger” in the beginning right?  Oh yeah.  Classic.

Before I leave you, I need to know if anyone out there is a Friday Night Lights fan.  Well, good news if you are!  Coach Taylor can be spotted as an extra!  That’s Right!  While Memphis goes to visit his mother in the diner there are 2 cops that make a call on the radio.  It’s not the cop that makes the call but the other one.  Played by Kyle Chandler.  Not even on his IMDB profile.  I found something!!!  Ha!  Now, I’m going to leave you on this note.  Vinnie Jones as Spinx giving you a Silent Bob moment.  Classic or Been there done that moment?

Comic Book Movie Plus:  Nicolas Cage:  Ghost Rider, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Kick-Ass – Angelina Jolie: Wanted – Will Patton: The Punisher (2004) – Christopher Eccleston: Thor: The Dark World (2013) – Vinnie Jones: X-Men 3: The Last Stand

Nudity Bonus:  None.  Zilch.  Almost but nada.

4.5‘s

Ran-Dizzle

– I am a little tired, I am a little wired…

This is one of my top 10 personal will watch this movie until it stops working movies.

I remember watching this movie in the theaters, I love movies that involve Cars, Heists, and even though she’s not as hot as normal Angelina Jolie, (She’s still hot, but the hair just was not right.)

So one of the things that bothered me the most about this movie besides Crazy Cage’s random acting abilities (I say random acting because 90% of the movies he’s in he takes it over the top being ‘Crazy’ Cage.) The acting was OK. I say ok because it’s not fair to ding everyone for little bits here and there I think the most believable actors in the movie, Giovanni Ribisi, and Vinnie Jones, and even Angelina Jolie. The rest were ok had little hiccups here and there. Like the unnamed girl in the driving course who fake cried (Obviously bad acting) then ran into her again when they were getting the addresses for the DMV and she said “your supposed to speed up when your being followed.”

Crazy Cage in the moment when they are listening to “Low-Rider” and he does the “Let’s Ride” thing. Or when he says “I’m a BAAAAD Man” pulling out the leather jacket. Although my favorite part is him in the dealership and “Saturday nights are the loneliest night for me” that is probably one of his better scenes, or seeing him go Crazy Cage after he gets Elenore to the dock. Robert Duvall looking at Nicolas Cage when he is giving the speech so quietly and calmly like ‘WTF’ is he doing…go back and look at Robert Duvall I swear he is giving Nick the Stink eye (Nick better use the egg to clean his soul….eh too soon?)’

Another one that kind of got on my nerves was Calitri. When he was talking about the things he made, and was getting furious he reveals a coffin and says I made one of these as well…it was just so damn awkward, I could imagine someone way better doing his role or at least playing a decent villain.

The Soundtrack was decent, I’ll know have “Bring Sally Up, Bring Sally Down” stuck in my head for a week, but well worth it watching this movie. All the music was fast pace, and in a car jacking movie, fast is good.

Overall great movie, definitely a must see for everyone. I personally would love to watch the original to compare the two.

Good Job Willie!

4.5‘s

Machete (2010)

Machete 6

Running Time: 1hr 45 min.

Starring- Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro  – Directed by

Synopsis- Ex-Federale Machete has come to the US as a day laborer and was asked to assassinate a Senator from Texas, Whom which the Senator is trying to build a border wall to keep Mexican’s out. Machete takes the job to find out someone else is assigned and becomes framed for the attempt at the Senator. Now Machete is looking to find the guy that hired him and kill him, but finds out there is more to it then just a simple assassination.

Ran-Dizzle (Host)

I guess due to me being a Robert Rodriguez fan, and this being a fan based film that was made from a trailer in a movie as a spoof I liked it. Even though it was pretty hard to watch certain parts we’ll get to that in a minute. So when watching this I kept the mind set of this is one of those this is probably going to be bad movies. So why did you choose it? Because it’s a fun movie if your a fan obviously I am the only one who really enjoyed this movie out of this group.

Acting was done as best as can be for this style a film, What I loved about the film is you take a movie trailer and build a story out of it, by the scenes and writing I am looking that they made this film script in a weekend, at least that’s what it seems like. So when watching this I kept the mind set of this is one of those style of movies that is going to be bad.

Back to the acting,  I want to give Steven Seagal an award for Worst Mexican-Non Mexican Villain ever, He’s a sword fighting martial artist Cartel drug lord with cheap looking Katana blades, and I would laugh when he spoke Spanish, Now I know how my fiance feels when I speak it.  Jessica Alba was pretty hot and her nude scene was probably the best part of the movie .

Machete 2Michelle Rodriguez always catches my eye and in this one I think between her and Jessica they were the best female actors in the movie. Don Johnson was a nice surprise and I think was the best male actor in the whole film must be that KU acting school that did it for him. (Yes Don Johnson went to University of Kansas for Acting. Machete 7http://www.biography.com/people/don-johnson-9542537 )

I was a little shocked at first by Robert De Niro and his over-acting and classic facial expressions and then I thought about it, it’s a cheesy film. But he would have been the last person I would ever suspect of willing to do one of these style of films. And Cheech Marin as a Priest (Padre) the world has come to an end.

If you like to see blood and guts or cheap version of blood and guts then this movie is for you, chock full of cheesy special effects. My personal favorite was the guy landing on Jessica Alba’s car with a meat thermometer stuck in his head and shows the level going up. Like I said Cheesy-Cartoony Special Effects but with a cheap budget and being a class b movie I think it’s ok.

Overall I’d say for what it is, it’s an good movie. But if your looking for a block buster style movie this is not for you. If your a Robert Rodriguez fan or loved the very first El Mariachi then you’ll like this movie.

2.5‘s

Big JD

Let’s say that you and your friends get together and make this kick ass trailer for this non-existent movie.  Ya know, you don’t want to go through all of the cost and pain of making a full length movie just want to show some kick ass scenes and make people go “ooh” while doing it.  Well, Machete is based off of a trailer from the movie Death Proof.  But the difference is that Robert Rodriguez went through with the cost and pain of making this a full length movie.  It was better left a trailer.

Machete 5The acting was a direct representation of the writing.  I’m sure it’s hard to act seriously when you have the material to work with that embodies this movie.  So, I’m giving the actors a benefit of the doubt on this one.  Although Lindsay Lohan could have done better.  I’m still trying to figure out why they used a body double for her first nude scene.  Especially if “nothing” was really revealed.  I’m guessing that she didn’t show up for shooting on that day, so they used a double.  Just speculation.  I have no interest in researching that.

It just felt like all of the actors were in tryouts in hopes of getting the lead in a high school play.  Not to mention all of the “flex” moments.  What I mean by that is the moments that a certain line was used and there was a moment to focus in on the actor/actress with a gun or something.  “Flexing”.  Danny Trejo did all right in the acting badass department.  It was just that I couldn’t buy it for one second.  I understand that this was supposed to be cheesy & over action packed.  I just couldn’t get on board with it like I would normally.  The blood and crazy death scenes were fun and exciting.  Although, there wasn’t much reason when they killed off characters.  Sometimes they were brought back (Senator) just so that they could be killed again by someone else.  The score/soundtrack was decent at keeping you feeling the intensity.  It did its job.  As for the overall plot?  Original it was.  Entertaining?  Meh.  A Senator has an aid make a fake attempt on his life so that he will be elected by a landslide.  Crooked politicians?  Boring.  Ma-Che-Tay is framed and wants revenge.  And he decides that since Torrez was somehow involved later on that he will have his revenge against him too.  See, now wouldn’t have Machete been after this guy since he escaped the burning house?  I guess not.  He wanted to clean septic tanks for awhile, then maybe revenge later if it presented itself.  Oh, and the Vigilante/Network war was about as pointless as two 90 year old men having an arm wrestling match.  Nobody really wins.  It’s just saddening.

I didn’t like the ending, not that it didn’t tie up some ends but more so because It was just overall lame.  I’m still trying to stomach Jessica Alba kissing Machete.  Not to be mean but… uuugghhhh.  Really, really hard to buy into.Machete 4

So, I saw that the next film will be Machete Kills and then Machete Kills again?  Well, Machete Kills comes out 2013 and it has Mel Gibson in it I’m guessing playing a drunk A-hole.  Charlie Sheen plays the President.  God help us.    Before I leave you, I need to know why Luz was waving an Egg in front of Machete’s face?  Then breaking it underneath the bed.  I’m so confused about that.  I mean, jumping out of the window using someone’s intestines was totally understandable. Heh.  But the egg?  Craziness!

Comic Book Movie Plus:  Jessica Alba:  Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Nudity Bonus:  Mayra Leal: Chica (3:10)(F) – Random Ginger Chick poolside Torrez Estate (27:59)(T) – Jessica Alba: Sartana (37:25) – Lindsay Lohan: April Booth (1:20:06) – Lindsay Lohan’s Body Double: (55:25) Alicia Rachel Marek: June Booth (55:07/55:25/1:20:02)(T)

2.0‘s

Willie Good-Cook

-The public suicide of Robert Rodriguez’s career. Take 1-

The first I had heard of this movie was during the trailer’s on the movie “Planet Terror” as I am sure this is where most people had discovered it. The trailer had me very excited to see this movie. Bad ass fight scenes, hot women, cool one liners, and Danny Trejo. What’s not to like? Well it turns out, mostly the entire movie was not to like.

Granted, Rodriguez never wanted to make this movie. It was all done as kind of a joke for the trailer. The fans pushed so hard for this to be made that he as forced into it. So I do understand he was trying to make it as bad as possible so that there would never be another horrible movie like this again…until Machete Kills come out (They are in the works already…why? I have no idea. I guess they like flushing money down the toilet.).

The terrible writing was what bothered me the most. I am assuming the actors were doing as they were directed to. Considering the cast has many other movies to their names that were much better than this one. Seeing Jessica Alba mostly naked was a huge bonus. It was really the only reason we wanted Big JD to see this movie. Machete 1

I can say the premise was fairly original, and the sound track was surprisingly good. They even had a stellar cast set up for this movie. The plot was only ok, and the special effects were horrible. Again, some of this may be attributed to Rodriguez trying to sabotage this movie in every way possible. But if he really didn’t want to do another movie, why make another teaser at the end of this one. Even after enduring this movie, I kinda want to see Machete Kills and Machete Kills again after having seen the teasers. For not want to do these movies, Rodriguez sure does have a way of marketing them.

There were some funny scenes. The pussy phone and Machete’s one liners are probably my favorite parts. Other than then funny moments there wasn’t much to this movie. The action scenes were ok, but nothing special. Steven Segals character shouldn’t have ever been thought up, let alone made it into a movie. “I could kill you now, but you would just be waiting for me in hell.” You know, if the line had been delivered in any sort of professional way, it would have been great, but delivered how it was made me think that I was dumber for having watched this movie.

Machete 3

-Suggestions-

Fast forward to J.A.’s nude scene then take the movie back to redbox.

2‘s

Blade Runner (1982)

Trailer: Blade Runner (1982)

Starring: Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer & Sean Young – Directed By: Ridley Scott

Running Time: 1 hr & 57 mins – Genre: Drama, Sci-Fi, Thriller

Synopsis:  It is the year 2019 and the technology has furthered itself to the point were making exact android replica’s of humans has occurred.  These are called “Replica’s”.  They are deemed illegal.  It is up to the Blad Runner units to hunt them down and eliminate them.  They choose to use the verbage of “Retirement”.  Deckard (Harrison Ford) is tasked with bringing 4 Replica’s into retirement when he meets a 5th replica that has special programming.  Tracking down replica’s isn’t an easy task and even when you do it is after all “retirement” that hurts the most.

Big JD (Host)

*according to this movie we only have 6 years remaining before we get our flying cars.  Yay!*

Why didn’t we get more Science Fiction out of Harrison Ford in his prime?  Why!?  He was obviously fit for the genre.  Whether he would like to admit to it or not.  It’s him.

This was a first time watch for me.  Yeah, it took way too long for me to watch this film.  Not just in terms of 31 years but also the hour and 57 minute journey was also a bit long for me.  It took awhile to get going and then when it “got going” it barely kept itself afloat for that 1:57.

This film was a Visual Stunner as of 1982.  I have to try to keep the year in mind when talking about this but back then the Special effects were amazing.  And the way it was filmed you could tell that they were showing that off to the audience.  Usually when you have a visual stunner on your hands you also have to deal with a weak story line.  Not in this case.  The story line was fantastic.  More so that I wish they could have done more with it.  Basically this movie is about 1 guy that is after 4 people.  Meets a 5th person falls in love.  Catches the people he was after and has his happy ending.  Straight to the point.  But with all of that style.  You would think Mr. Scott would have fixed any voice-over issues.  Check it out:  At the end of The Egyptian interrogation scene.  (The guy who sold snakes.)  Huge voice-over flaw.

The lighting was a problem for me.  It was way too dark.  There was even a point where a character wanted it even darker.  I was like “ah c’mon! Not Darker!”.  Anyway, I guess the best way to hide flaws in your science fiction is to make everything dark.  Or maybe the symbolic darkness was just 1 of the many symbolic metaphors in this movie.  Symbolic Tour –  Dark/Rainy Movie: Symbolizes Deckard’s dark times in his life at this point.  Giving Tyrell thick glasses:  He could see down the road in great detail but couldn’t see that road when it was right there in his face.  Batty has white hair:  white hair is a sign of old age.  In his life cycle he is essentially in his twilight year.  The unicorn:  Deckard is chasing the one thing that seems impossible for a hired “retirement officer” like him to obtain.  Love.  You will see the Unicorn again at the end.  Making Roy’s last name Batty:  2 reasons, he is the “baddie” in this film, and also he honestly goes Batty before film is fin.  You will find more metaphor’s in this movie.  It is jam-packed.

As soundtrack’s go, it was fairly typical of an 80’s science fiction movie.  It kinda reminded me of 2001: A Space Odyssey, or Star Trek: the Motion Picture from time to time.  But, once it started in with the elect

ric synth and god forbid the 80’s love scene Saxophone I wanted to deny my ears.

In the end I was more disappointed in the overall movie than anything.  I’ve heard so much about this movie being one of the Science Fiction greats.  But really, it turns

out to be one of the Science Fiction normalities.  Maybe it was the best movie to come out of 1982?  It is better than Total Recall or some other horrible SF movies from the 80’s that come to mind.  I will give it that.  But “Great”?  I think not.  It is possible though that this is a double viewer.  Meaning that you have to watch this movie a

few times for it to attach itself to your psyche.

Don’t forget William Sanderson!  This is my creation Daryl… This is my other creation Daryl.  Couldn’t help but think that at his introduction.  Oh, and Marvel did a 2 issue limited series adaptation on this book.  Check it out.

Comic Book Movie Plus:  Rutger Hauer – Sin City, Batman Begins.

Nudity Bonus:  Joanna Cassidy – Zhora (54:26)(T)

 

3.5‘s

Ran-Dizzle

This has to be one of the weirdest movies I’ve seen in awhile.  For an 80’s Sci-Fi Noir style film. For the time the graphics were done pretty well. Better then some of the other’s 80’s Sci-Fi Cop show I’ve seen.

The Casting was done very well, Harrison Ford does a good job as always but I did kind of feel more like I was watching Indy playing more of a detective role then Archeologist.  It’s fun to see things like Larry from Newhart (Odd how his brothers were named Darryl) and then Daryl Hannah was in this movie. (Oh how my humor is off tonight) Seeing Daryl Hannah play those types of roles are in interesting seeing her from Splash, to Blade Runner, then fast forwarding to Kill Bill very impressive. But I would say the casting was done well.een. Something I did notice was I believe this movie inspired I Robot, Due to the Detective vs Robot(Android) story, and meeting and killing of the maker. However I did like how it brings to light the moral of life and death how we are born and then we die there is no prolonging the end it’s going to happen to everyone.

The Soundtrack did place relatively well, nothing about it really stuck out to me, The only thing that bothered me was the floating advertisement of the asian lady taking a pill then smiling…What was that about? Did I miss something.

4.0‘s

Willie Good-Cook

-Wake up, time to die-

Gaff's Origami unicorn from the Director's Cut...

Something to remember is that this movie was made over 30 years ago. So we can’t go in expecting “Avatar” out of this. It is hard to rate a movie that came out 4 years before I was born, but here we go. Spoiler alert, THERE IS A MIDGET IN A MILITARY UNIFORM!!! This may indeed be the best part of the whole movie.This movie is like if you took Indiana Jones, I robot, and any other bad 80’s futuristic movie and mashed them together. Not to say that this movie was bad by any means. There were some very entertaining scenes. Any movie with Harrison Ford beating the crap out of robots is a win in my book.

Some of the acting was kind of bad, but then again when is peoples acting in the 80’s any good? The score seemed fairly bad…or i just didn’t notice it really.  And the chick with the clear poncho with a bikini under it, is that what fashion is headed to in 6 years? Or the shitty futuristic cars that look like ghost buster mobiles? And what was with the chick with crazy blonde hair and clown makeup? Does that make her a better fighter?

The cast itself worked fairly well together. The plot was also nice and fairly original. I really liked the premise of this story as well. A future where they are hunting down hostile robots called replicants? Gold in my book. Some of the imagery also reminded me of a comic book at times which was nice for the time period. Some of the dialogue in this movie is also really really good. “some things are lost in time, like tears in the rain.” Good stuff.

-Suggestion-

If I had went to see this in theaters when I was -4 I probably would have loved this movie, seeing it 30 years later I thought it was ok.

-Suggestion-

3‘s

 

The Dark Knight (2008)

The Dark Knight (2008)

The Dark Knight (2008)

Running Time:  2 hrs 32 min – Action, Crime, Drama

Starring Christian Bale, Heath Ledger & Aaron Eckhart – Directed by Christopher Nolan

Willie Good-Cook (host)

-YES!-

First I have to say that I never, NEVER like the second movie in a trilogy the best. You name a trilogy and I gaurentee that my favorite is either the first or last.  Middle movies tend to suck in my opinion. This is the one shining exception.

I have seen this movie literally one hundred times and I am still riveted the entire time. Though there are some draw backs. Christian Bale plays a near perfect Bruce Wayne, but I would rather watch George Clooney play Batman. The stupid voice drives me insane to this day. Gordon’s acting (Gary Oldman) was horrid in the first one movie and was just as bad in this one. Kate Holmes not being in this may have actually enhanced the movie. She was another terrible part. Not that Maggie Gyllenhaal was great but she did her part.

This movie is great because it ties in so many angles. From the beginning it gets you guessing and keeps you guessing. They give Batman cool gadgets, upgrade his suit, and even sprinkle in some great humor. The quotables in this movie are abundant as well. “I’m not wearin hockey pads!”  The plot and story were both very well written and I can see why Nolan is WB’s new golden child.

Heath Ledger gave the performance of a lifetime. I personally believe without him this movie wouldn’t have been as good and we might not even have had a full trilogy.  You can barely tell it is him under that makeup. I never once thought I was watching him, I was watching the Joker. The main difference was that he took the Joker where others heath leger joker clappinghad not. It was a very dark role and he owned it. He wasn’t just a crazy clown in this one, he was a sadistic lunatic who was bent on making Batman do something truly evil. This was much more true to the character than Jack Nicholas’ rendition or any other prior. They all seemed like watered down versions of the Joker.

Heath steals every scene he is in. One of my favorite scenes is when he kills the imposter batman. The scene still gives me chills. The way he uses his voice is extraordinary. “LOOK AT ME!!!”

-Suggestion- Not may times in your life will you ever get the pleasure of watching a movie this good. Go…watch it now. What ever you are doing, cancel it. Don’t even bother reading the other guys reviews. GO WATCH THIS MOVIE!!

5‘s

Big JD

“Some Men just want to watch the world burn”

The follow up effort from Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins is not like most comic book movie sequels.  Actually, it’s not like most sequels in general.  It actually succeeds where most fail.  The biggest reason for that is no question Heath Ledger’s portrayal of The Joker.  You would also be kidding yourself if you didn’t think that the real life death of the great actor doesn’t have an influence on your liking it.  We always want more of what we cannot have.

Christopher Nolan had said that he wouldn’t ever do a sequel to Batman Begins unless it was better than the first.  Well, I think he had a wildcard waiting and it was having “DeeBo” from the Friday movies come in to make a cameo.  Seriously, this movie was all Mr. Ledger but before we get to that we should talk about Batman.  I mean, it’s his movie.  In Batman’s Seventh attempt to win over fans he succeeded with not only being part of a great story but having great batsuits and a raspy demeanor help.  Of course the suit looked better than in the first movie.  I want to say it was inevitable.  As for the raspy voice thing that always has people cringing.  After awhile it becomes kinda unnoticeable.  I mean, it was the first movie Christian Bale lost his voice three times on not this movie.  Batman actually was seen playing a detective.  During the “fingerprint on the bullet” scene we got to see Batman as he should be portrayed in everything he is in.  A Detective.  He isn’t called the world’s greatest detective for nothing.  As for fighting crime, his sights were more on the bigger picture than random crime events.  Even though I would have liked to catch a few of those randoms.

The Joker.  A sixth month seclusion and Heath Ledger ends up pulling off the best Joker on film.  In my opinion of course.  Even though it was a “take” on the Joker character that I didn’t at first agree with, he turned my head and made me listen.  What I heard was internal chaos and it was magnificent.  Joker’s inclusion was loosely based on the one-shot comic book “The Killing Joke”.  Basically the Joker tries to show Batman that they are the same.  The Yin to his Yang.  The Peanut to his butter.  My favorite scene is definitely the Hospital scene with Joker dressed as a nurse.  Hilarious and scary at the same time.  Yet my favorite dialogue scene between the two is where Batman fights Joker for the last time in the movie.  This scene encompasses their whole relationship.

As for the other actors involved, such as Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face I was pleased that everybody did a great job.  Except for one.  Not necessarily based on acting ability but just for the simple fact that I couldn’t stand the character.  Maggie Gyllenhaal as Rachel Dawes.  Previously played by Katie Holmes and she was offered the role again but declined.  Hey I don’t fault her for not wanting to play a true comic book character in a comic book movie.  I felt that the Rachel character could have been switched to Gilda Gold (HD’s main squeeze) and it would have made more sense.  Casting failed on this.

The main story was based on a story arc called “Batman: The Long Halloween”.  Which actually was started in the first movie.  But basically it is tells about Batman teaming up with Gordon and Dent to track down a Holiday killer.  When the whole time the Holiday killer turns out to be Harvey Dent.  Instead of being dowsed with Acid in the courtroom the film decides to have a thug pull a gun on him and leave the origin of two-face up to a “fate decision” involving Dent & Dawes.

From the inducing violin’s and clock ticking from the introduction to the dog’s barking in the end this movie hold’s tight.  It is classically long in nature but if you’re a fan you’ll get by.  Much better than the first and definitely not the last.  As we already know.  With Dark Night Rises already out and a Justice League movie being hinted at.  Batman has been Warner Bros. cash cow and he will continue to be until someone makes another Batman & Robin film.

Comic Book Movie Plus:  Morgan Freeman: Wanted

4.5‘s

Randizzle

Do you want to know how I got these scars? – The Joker

This movie is really hard to tackle with a score, for me it is the best of the Trilogy I can say that now because I’ve seen Dark Knight Rises, and this movie was the best of the series. (Even when Batman talks like he has marbles in his mouth)

The story kind of takes me back to the original story I remember “The Untold Story of The Batman” Even though it was in the mind of Christopher Nolan, I think over all this is the best Batman story. I love how they make the Joker more of a real psychopath versus the cheesy campy versions of The Joker, Although before Heath Ledger became the Clown Prince of Crime, Jack Nickolson was the only real Joker to me.

Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent, I didn’t see it at first but once I watched it, I couldn’t imagine anyone else playing the part. Although the love interest between Rachel Dawes and Harvey Dent did pose a problem for me because everyone knows I love comics, almost as much as the BIG JD, however I never found a story that involved Harvey and Rachel, Nor did I see Christopher Nolan choosing Maggie Gyelenhaal playing Rachel.

Michael Caine has the presence of Alfred, but the original Alfred in the movies previous to Nolan’s reboot was spot on. I think Michael did very well as Alfred in fact if we ever view Dark Knight rises I have some comments on his performance in that one.

How this was written and director really to me reflected how great Christopher Nolan is, and I am saddened he created to me the best Batman Trilogy and ended it, but even good things have to end sometime.
I have a feeling he’ll have a hand in the upcoming movies if there is any besides JLA. I really hope his brother Johnathan Nolan takes over and can bring the DC movies back to life since WB has killed them…

Finally we found a movie that Will and I can agree on.

5‘s

The Dark Knight Movie Poster

For those of you who saw the movie, what did you think?