G.I. Joe : Retaliation (2013)
In this Sequel the G.I. Joes have to Find and Destroy who is responsible for attacking their team, also dealing with the government trying to start a nuclear war. Will the be able to stop Cobra from taking over the world and save it?
In this installment of the G.I. Joe Franchise I really didn’t feel like it was a sequel then it was just a continuance with different characters. I am no G.I. Joe aficionado but I know most of those that are in this movie, and some stay true to the characters but I truly feel that there was not enough characters used or for that matter the correct characters in line with the cartoon’s I grew up with. I would have to say the acting wasn’t completely horrible however I didn’t agree with it, I think the only person who did really well with their role was Snake Eyes and I think that’s only because he had no speaking role, When it comes to comparing actors to their characters especially if it’s characters you remember from your childhood you tend to feel a certain way and expect those characters to stay in that character no matter what, I had a hard time believing “The Rock” as Road Block, and Bruce Willis Character felt forced in and not really a functional Character in the story line.
I don’t feel it was original screen play but with it being a sequel did you really expect it to be? I felt that the writing had lots of corny one liners which some were able to make me chuckle but most did not. I did however feel the sound track was decent and the score was done well.
Overall I didn’t really care for this movie, I think my highlight of the film was*SPOILER ALERT* watching Channing Tatum “die”. Worth it, and I was able to watch this version all the way through vs the original G.I. Joe Movie were I can’t get past 15 min. Atleast I was able to make 19 min and odd seconds to watch my favorite part.
Now I introduce our Guest Reviewer Kim.
All right take a seat and relax cause this may take awhile. This movie has struck me with insight that Hasbro either does not have any control at all in the movie making process or the fact that they really don’t care about how their properties are treated. Just as long as there is “bang” & “boom” in the movie.
My biggest issue comes in the form of the characters. The same issue I usually have when talking about The Transformers movies. Hmmm that’s a Hasbro property as well. Coincidence? You be the judge. Before I start telling you about how much I thought this movie was trashcan juice let me start by stating the points that were good.Honorable mention: The side of the mountain fight. This had the potential to be really good but turned out just meh. Did Snake Eyes look like the black power ranger or is that just me?
Cobra Commander’s Helmet. Although the first movie totally skipped the Hood version and jumped directly to the silver plated facemask I loved the design. It was super cool. His overall appearance was very slick as well. Intimidating.
- Channing Tatum’s “Duke” character is not in the entire movie. In the first movie Channing Tatum was my major issue. Only because I believe he is over rated and the small issue that film makers now ignore and that is that he didn’t embody the character of Duke. So, even though he never died in the cartoon and as far as I know any incarnation I did not have a problem with source material here. Turning the head on this one.
- The Plot. I didn’t mind the plot at all. Clearly adapted from “The Synthoid Conspiracy” from Season 1 of the cartoon. Loosely based. I thought Zartan’s method of getting rid of all nukes was not only Ballsy but ingenious. Cobra always had something going that was on a huge scale and this fits right in place.
- Storm Shadow & Snake Eyes? Storm Shadow is a definite yes. But Snake Eyes although looked cool I was not impressed with him this time around. Just a shell of a character that did some shooting and some sword swinging. Not much of a Ninja today.
Now lets delve into the character charade of what is supposed to be a G.I. Joe movie. Before I begin I would like to preface ALL of my comments with the fact that I do not expect the characters to be 100% replicants of their cartoon counterparts. I expect there to be some live action updating because some things just won’t work in a live action movie. What I do expect to see is that the core of the character is in tact. When a character is introduced I should be able to tell who that character is before a name is even dropped. Let’s start with Duke. No. you’ll have to wait until we review the first movie (if that ever happens) to get that crap egg. Let’s start with Roadblock. Dwayne Johnson didn’t play a horrible Roadblock although he wasn’t Roadblock. I didn’t expect him to speak in Rhyme. I did expect him to be a little more ghetto. The Rock’s version of Roadblock was more like the professional take on the character. Plus, Roadblock was not one to “lead the joes” but since it’s Dwayne Johnson they made edits to the character. They couldn’t even get the references right for this character. Duke mentions something about his famous Gumbo while shooting at the cupcake. Another character by the name of “Gung Ho” was famous for his gumbo, not Roadblock. Although Roadblock could grill you some mean Barbecue. He did have a talent for that. In the movie a sort of #2 in command was Flint. He never really did show any leadership qualities so, I’m not sure how he ranks a #2 but whatever. Flint was always second fiddle to Duke. But when Duke was away Flint led the Joes. In this movie he plays second fiddle to Roadblock. How embarrassing for him. Oh, and give me a frickin’ beret on the man! How hard is that! (Not just in the end when everybody is wearing one) Lady Jaye was everywhere that Flint was in the cartoon. Adrianne Palicki is NOT Lady Jaye. I did not one time think to myself “That’s Lady Jaye!”. Not even close. What happened to the specialized Javelins she used to wield around? Too corny for ya Mr. Chu? Yeah, let’s put some mechanical Firefly’s in there instead to blow stuff up. That’s not corny at all. While I’m on a Firefly side tangent. Firefly was a Master Ninja not what was showcased in this movie. I guess they had their Ninja Limit in this movie. Ooooh, I got a good idea! Take out the RZA character and put in a Firefly that knows martial arts. The RZA character destroyed the whole mystique and feel of the entire “storm shadow, Jinx, Snake Eyes” storyline. He sounded like he was reading his lines and on top of it all, they wanted us to believe that his hair was actually gray? Give me a break! That was sooooo fake! Plus, I’ve seen the whole “dead eye” thing way back in ’95 when Method Man did it on the Mary J Blige video of I’ll Be There For You/You’re All I Need to Get by. Been there, done that. Ridiculous. Cobra Commander really looked cool but his voice was way too low. That sounds petty I know but, when your use to a shrill voice that’s kinda what you expect. It changes the character. Instead of a whiny insane madman we get a strong/silent madman that doesn’t do much but stand there. No fights. No anything really. He was pretty non-existent the entire movie. …and he gets away in the end just like he’s suppose to but, it was still handled very poorly. I would have liked to have seen Destro in this movie. I would have liked to have seen the Crimson Twins. Too much to ask. How bout some Dreadnoughts? Nope. Not even a real Zartan. There was a character that went by “Mouse” in this movie. Yeah, they made him up. They could have thrown “Dusty” in there but they would have had to have had some knowledge of the GI Joe Name Brand to do that. Joe Colton never appeared in the cartoon. That’s fine. He appeared in the comics and the story remains true. The only thing is that I saw the character more like Bruce Willis’ RED character more than anything GI Joe related. They cast too close on that one. Casting was done with a baseball cap and names drawn out of it. Once the name was drawn they made the appropriate calls to their agents. Not really but it sure looks this way. Jinx was not introduced until the cartoon movie feature along with a few other misfit new recruits but I was actually ok with her inclusion here. Her problem was the problem with mostly everyone in this movie. Everyone seemed like shadows of their character. It seemed like they all just read their lines and then did a shoot, took a break, read the next page of script and then shot some more scenes. It didn’t feel like anything was cohesive at all. Even when they tried to build the buddy buddy with Roadblock & Duke. It felt forced. What’s scary is that Rhett Reese (writer) wrote the screenplay for Deadpool and I so wanted that to be good. But now I have doubts. Maybe we can blame the other writer Paul Wernick. Nope they pretty much write everything together. They did produce Zombieland but I guess it didn’t have much substance either really. Tangent stop! So, to say that everybody acted badly is not a fair statement. I believe that the writing was very poor and directing/editing was done so badly that the actors looked wooden and High School talent like. Yeah, the acting was pretty bad too. Hey Blame RZA! I’ve rambled enough but if you agree with me. Please comment and tell me what you thought. I need to know that I’m not the only one that does not care for Hollywood trying to destroy my youth.
Comic book Connection: Bruce Willis: RED, RED 2 – Bryun-Hun Lee: RED 2 – Ray Stevenson: Punisher War Zone, Thor, Thor The Dark World – Ray Park: X-men
Nudity Bonus: No way.