Reviewing one movie at a time…

Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings (2002)


Willie Good-Cook(Host)

-Synopsis-

Max Magician is a bullied young boy who receives a magic book from the old gardener down the road. The book sends him on a quest of discovery and magic which will forever change the young magician.

-Review-

This movie is bad. I mean really really bad. You may be thinking, “Willie, why would you want to review a horrible movie?” Well, let me tell you. There was originally an idea floating around that we could do Battleship and Avengers back to back. We were planning to do it later in the month, but BigJD decided to stab me in the back and pick his so sacred Avengers anyway. So here we are, revenge!

This movie makes legend look like Shawshank Redemption. It is like taking the worst parts of Legend, Harry Potter, The Never Ending Story, and any other crappy fantasy movie and mashing them into one turd of a movie. I actually found this movie on the $5 at Walmart(Just like everyone else that has ever seen this.)  There really isn’t anything to say positive about this besides maybe the makeup. I really only gave it a half star because this movie is so bad it is kind of funny. And that makes me like it. I can’t give it any more points however.

The terrible voice over in parts, horrible audio, poor acting, bad directing, cheap sets, poor costumes, 1970’s special effects, did i say bad acting? Along with a cookie cutter plot makes this movie the worst movie of all time in my mind.  And if one of these fuckers stabs me in the back again I will be reviewing Justin Bieber  and Hanna Montana movies for the next 6 picks!!

-Suggestions-

If you want to get revenge on your buddies that you review movies with, pick this movie. I can promise you wont be disappointed!

0.5 ‘s

Big JD

This had to be one of the worst movies I’ve ever had to watch.  It was so hard to watch this movie in every way possible.  You can take every aspect of a movie and this one comes in last in about every category.  Let’s get with the whipping shall we?

Let’s start with the actors/actresses and the subtle occurrence of acting.  If you were to judge this on a scale of porn acting then it comes in as a average score.  But actually I would rather watch porn actors than this crap.  I have to wonder if this was a friend & family movie where if you are one of those then you get in this movie.  Each person is uncomfortable to watch.  Fake crying over a dead mouse made me want to put my foot through the TV.  It’s really bad.  Especially Max’s overacting.  Although I wanted to throw Lord Dagda on a pyre.  Was it me or did the “Queen Belphobe” look a lot like Max’s mom?  IMDB says the Queen is played by a Jack Baker.  Wow!  They don’t care about this movie either!  Either that or the Queen actually was played by a man.

One thing that will stand out to most is the actual quality of this movie.  I could have sworn it was a YouTube video at first.  Even FanFilms have better quality then what I’ve seen here.  It was fimed with a video camera from BestBuy I’m sure.  The voiceover was most disturbing.  If your going to voiceover your whole movie make then match up and make them fit the scene.  This also goes for the Foley artists.  Like if you are walking through a forest then it shouldn’t sound like you are walking like a giant through a Dorito’s factory.  Oh, soundtrack didn’t match up with scenes either.  Painful.

The outfits were straight out of a welfare version of the Ren Fest.  That goes for all the weapons too.  I could have sworn I saw one guy wielding a croquet mallet.  I bet they didn’t even have to spend much on extra’s.  They probably went down to the park were are the LARPer’s hang out and made a deal involving a set of chain mail and a free copy of “Legend”.

Writing this movie I’m sure was done by a dungeons & dragon’s fan that really didn’t interact with people much.  This is how he saw interactions.  Horribly written.  Examples follow.  Max runs into an old man and they are instant friends.  Somehow Mr. Tim is “tough” to max but the thing that bothers me is that he gives this old ancient most valuable spell book to a kid that he hardly knows.  Yeah, that makes sense.  All other relationships seem forced and hurried.  The relationship between Max & everyone is a prime example.  Oh, why do they need to hang out in his closet?  He saved the land so, shouldn’t it be ok for them to live there?  Not in his closet?  Whatever, this movie had me cringing everytime someone spoke so, it makes no difference to me.  The story was vague and watered down with crap.  Bullied kid learns magic saves kingdom from evil guy that farts randomly by turning him into a mouse.  Wait, Max didn’t do that.  Crimble didn’t do that.  Did Worm do that?  If so, why didn’t he do that this whole time?  Plot hole’s are there for the choosing.  You just need to watch the movie to find one.

With that said, PLEASE DON’T WATCH THIS MOVIE.  It is not worth your time.  I thought maybe I could find a redeeming quality in this movie but unfortunately I couldn’t.  Kevin Summerfield, let’s hope you didn’t quit your day job to pursue this dream of directing.  I mean, if your going to use the same bird sound over and over to show “outdoors woodland stuff”, then you just need to quit while your behind.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to film a really cheesy “Learning Magic” montage with my buddy that does roleplaying events for SWUWS (Star Wars United We Stand) group.

0‘s

Randizzle

Dear God NOOOOOOOO!

When Will announced this movie….I thought to myself “I Hate you Will….so much” First of all he found this in the $5.00 bin at Wal-Mart, and he paid WAY too much for it, now if it was in a collection of kids movies more understandable but as a stand alone way too much money spent on this movie.

Did it have the potential to become a movie? No. There was no good acting or story line at all it was like some D&D nerds and (I can say that because I used to be one LONG TIME AGO!) Renaissance fans were like lets make a movie, I got a handy cam, and these awkward looking fake weapons we can use…ok now we just need to find a reason to fight…

One thing that was remotely decent about the movie Will already commented on was the make up was ok…it wasn’t like major motion picture ok, this was like the got a make up person from a porn set and said make them look like a creature from a D&D book… seems they did “Ok” but not completely outstanding, however out of everything else in this movie it’s the only thing I can give a good comment on.

The Giggling Mouse, and farting bad guy that does King things annoyed the hell out of me…and the other weird looking guy that rhymed all the time I wanted to punch him in his big *** nose.  Perhaps if one were to smoke the reefer this movie might be a trillions times better but I do not endorse that in fact I would just stay the hell away from this movie, go watch something that is actually worth watching…if you want to watch fantasy go watch Legend it’s a lot better then this…even if BIG JD hates it…I think he’d rather watch that then this.

0.5 ‘s

For Those that have seen this movie.  What did you think?

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4 responses

  1. Pingback: Top 5 Fantasy World Invades the Real World or Vice Versa Movies « The Movie Crew

  2. Pingback: Top 5 Best Fantasy Movies with Elves, Dwarves and Fairies oh my! « The Movie Crew

  3. Adriannah Nettles

    It is a very good movie. I loved it

    June 21, 2014 at 4:48 pm

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